Transform Your Relationship Legacy
I never knew what a healthy marriage looked like. I remember as a child, trying to pretend I didn’t hear the sounds of my parents fighting by staying in my bedroom. Or act like I wasn’t scared when I heard them yelling. What I never heard? Laughter. Warmth. The soft murmur of affection. When they […]
Fears That Keep Marriages Stuck
I remember when Mark and Sarah (not their real names) walked into my office, their shoulders heavy with 23 years of unresolved conflicts. They sat on opposite ends of my couch—a physical representation of the emotional distance between them. “Why now?” I asked gently. “What made you decide to come in after all these years?” […]
How to Break the Argument Cycle
What’s the most common dynamic in couples? The pursuit-withdrawal dance. Here’s an example of what it looks like. Nicole stared at the closed bedroom door as Jordan’s words hung in the air: “I just need to be alone right now.” She had simply mentioned planning their vacation together, and somehow it had sparked their familiar […]
Strong Connections
The Key to Happiness & Health I’m writing this from a hospital chair where I’ve spent the last seven days. My son was admitted with a collapsed lung, requiring surgery. Thankfully, he’s recovering well now. But during this unexpected pause in life’s usual rhythm, I’ve learned something profound about connection, happiness, and health. My son […]
When Kindness Creates Legacy
Do you remember where you were when the world shut down during COVID-19? I can’t believe it’s been five years, almost to the date when life as we knew it came to a screeching halt. What began as distant news reports quickly became our shared reality. Schools closed. Offices emptied. Travel plans evaporated overnight. My […]
An Unexpected Gift at 77
March 8th marks International Women’s Day, which always coincides with my mother’s birthday. This year, the celebration holds deeper meaning than ever before. The most significant woman in my life, for better or worse, has been my mother—shaping who I am in ways I’m still discovering. My mom has been my only consistent parent throughout […]
When Humility Trumps Ego
A Lesson in Becoming Truly Great There’s a profound difference between being successful and being impactful. This distinction became crystal clear to me through an experience with one of my former counseling psychology students—a lesson that continues to shape how I understand personal growth and professional development. The Lawyer Who Wanted to Heal As a […]
Assumptions
The Silent Relationship Killer I learned my most profound lesson about assumptions not in my therapy office, but in a quiet university classroom twenty years ago. It’s a story that still feels shameful when I think about it, but one that fundamentally changed how I view human nature and relationships. I was a teaching assistant […]
Why Your Relationship Never Improves
Why Your Marriage Never Improves Many couples wonder why their marriage never improves. A pivotal reason why is because of one toxic pattern that is destroying millions of relationships today. Triangulation. What is triangulation? Triangulation is when a two-person problem turns into a three-person power play. It occurs when one partner, typically struggling with emotional […]
Breaking the Cycle of Fights
Stop Fighting, Start Connecting. Here’s How. Do you keep fighting in circles with your partner? Here’s what I’ve seen every day over the last 26 years working with couples. One partner brings up an issue—perhaps about household responsibilities, emotional availability, or financial decisions. The other partner, instead of hearing the underlying need or concern, perceives […]
Why Valentine’s Day Isn’t Enough
My friend decided to end her marriage on Valentine’s Day. As she sat across from her husband at their usual February 14th dinner, surrounded by roses and chocolate, she knew it would be their last celebration together. The grand gesture felt hollow, almost painful. Because in the 364 days between these annual displays of affection, […]
Birthdays
Living Eulogies of Love Yesterday was my birthday. It’s always a day of deep reflection for me, and this year I found myself contemplating how my perspective on birthday celebrations has evolved over the years – not just personally, but through the lens of my work with individuals, couples, and families, and understanding of human […]
The Silent Wounds of a Critical Mother
Understanding and Healing Attachment Impact A few months ago, I embarked on my first solo trip with my mother. Despite our improved relationship as adults, I felt a flutter of anxiety in my chest. My mother, while loving, can be negative and critical – traits that coloured my childhood. Although the trip went well overall, […]
The Cost of Being “Good”
Last week, in the pouring rain, I witnessed something that shook me to my core. Through the darkness, a crowd gathered around a fallen motorcycle. As I approached, I saw her – an Asian woman, her leg pinned beneath her bike. What struck me wasn’t just the accident, but what happened next. As people rushed […]
From Ashes to Unity
The Hidden Gift in LA’s Devastating Fires This week, Los Angeles residents watched helplessly as wildfires devoured homes, businesses, and decades of memories. The devastation is hard to comprehend—entire neighborhoods reduced to ash, families displaced, and lives forever altered in mere hours. The numbers tell one story, but behind each statistic is a human being […]
Your Best Life in 2025
Starting with What Matters Most I’m reminded of a powerful story that perfectly captures how to approach the new year. A professor brought an empty jar to his class and placed it on his desk alongside three items: sand, pebbles, and large rocks. He asked his students to fill the jar with all three items. […]
Why You Shouldn’t Set New Year’s Goals
New Year’s goals don’t work. So stop setting them. Yes, we should all strive to improve ourselves – whether through personal growth, better health habits, career advancement, or stronger relationships. But setting goals just won’t cut it. By January 31st, I hear the same confessions in my office, year after year: “I thought this year […]
Top 12 Lessons From 2024
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” This question, posed by poet Mary Oliver, resonates deeply in my heart. Each December, I pause to take inventory of my year, reflecting on this one wild and precious life of mine – the lessons learned, the moments lived, […]
Holiday Boundaries
Surviving Difficult Family Gatherings Every year, my friend “Jessica” and her son go on a cruise during Christmas. While others are hanging stockings and planning family dinners, she’s arranging her annual escape. When I asked her why, she smiled and said simply, “It’s better than pretending to enjoy time with people I’d rather not see.” […]