Birthdays

Living Eulogies of Love Yesterday was my birthday. It’s always a day of deep reflection for me, and this year I found myself contemplating how my perspective on birthday celebrations has evolved over the years – not just personally, but through the lens of my work with individuals, couples, and families, and understanding of human […]
The Silent Wounds of a Critical Mother

Understanding and Healing Attachment Impact A few months ago, I embarked on my first solo trip with my mother. Despite our improved relationship as adults, I felt a flutter of anxiety in my chest. My mother, while loving, can be negative and critical – traits that coloured my childhood. Although the trip went well overall, […]
The Cost of Being “Good”

Last week, in the pouring rain, I witnessed something that shook me to my core. Through the darkness, a crowd gathered around a fallen motorcycle. As I approached, I saw her – an Asian woman, her leg pinned beneath her bike. What struck me wasn’t just the accident, but what happened next. As people rushed […]
From Ashes to Unity

The Hidden Gift in LA’s Devastating Fires This week, Los Angeles residents watched helplessly as wildfires devoured homes, businesses, and decades of memories. The devastation is hard to comprehend—entire neighborhoods reduced to ash, families displaced, and lives forever altered in mere hours. The numbers tell one story, but behind each statistic is a human being […]
Your Best Life in 2025

Starting with What Matters Most I’m reminded of a powerful story that perfectly captures how to approach the new year. A professor brought an empty jar to his class and placed it on his desk alongside three items: sand, pebbles, and large rocks. He asked his students to fill the jar with all three items. […]
Why You Shouldn’t Set New Year’s Goals

New Year’s goals don’t work. So stop setting them. Yes, we should all strive to improve ourselves – whether through personal growth, better health habits, career advancement, or stronger relationships. But setting goals just won’t cut it. By January 31st, I hear the same confessions in my office, year after year: “I thought this year […]
Top 12 Lessons From 2024

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” This question, posed by poet Mary Oliver, resonates deeply in my heart. Each December, I pause to take inventory of my year, reflecting on this one wild and precious life of mine – the lessons learned, the moments lived, […]
Holiday Boundaries

Surviving Difficult Family Gatherings Every year, my friend “Jessica” and her son go on a cruise during Christmas. While others are hanging stockings and planning family dinners, she’s arranging her annual escape. When I asked her why, she smiled and said simply, “It’s better than pretending to enjoy time with people I’d rather not see.” […]
The Day You Became a Better Human

This year, I attended seven funerals. All of them were for my friends’ parents. As a relationship expert, I couldn’t help but notice something profound – something that would forever change how I understand human connection. What struck me wasn’t just the services themselves, but the stark difference in how people grieved. Through these experiences, […]
The Hidden Holiday Marriage Killer

This topic always lands me in hot water, but frankly, I don’t care – because it’s one of the most common issues couples come to me for, especially during the holidays. I’m talking about the mental load, that invisible backpack of responsibilities that’s often silently crushing the holiday spirit of one partner while the other […]
Are You Losing Yourself in Relationships?

Last week, I spoke about the challenge of excessive independence. Today, I want to explore another way many of us struggle in relationships: dependency. The first type of dependency often stems from our childhood experiences. Perhaps we had parents who, with the best intentions, did everything for us – making decisions, solving problems, protecting us […]
Why Independence May Be Harmful

I have a confession to make. I like being alone. I like doing things alone. I prefer not to talk to other people. I’d rather read a book or take a walk in nature. I know how ironic this sounds as a relationship expert who advocates healthy attachment and spends over a thousand hours each […]
How to Love Difficult People

During the haunting emptiness of the COVID lockdown, I encountered a profound lesson about human connection in the most unexpected place – the lobby of my office building. While most of the city remained shut down, I was among the few who ventured back to work after restrictions eased. There, I met (let’s call him) […]
Absent Father’s Impact on a Daughter’s Future

What impact does an emotionally distant and physically absent father have on daughters? Last week, I shared my reflections about its impact on sons. Today, I want to speak about its effect on daughters. (Men, if you have daughters, this one is for you too.) My own story begins with a little girl […]
Rewriting the Rules of Fatherhood

Today is my father’s 80th birthday. So it got me thinking about my years growing up with him. Our relationship has always been cordial, but distant. My childhood memories are filled with an emotionally distant father who only showed one emotion…anger. I remember having silent dinners while he read the newspaper, and […]
Breaking the Cycle of Generational Negativity

Are you a negative person and not know it? Growing up, I always felt a knot in my stomach before talking to my parents. Don’t get me wrong – I loved them and think they did the best they could, but there was something about our communication when I was a kid that left me […]
How Gratitude Makes You Better

Reflections on Canadian Thanksgiving Day Yesterday was Thanksgiving Day in Canada, where I live. I find myself reflecting on the profound journey that has brought me to this moment of gratitude. There was a time in my life when I struggled to find anything to be thankful for. As a younger person, I felt adrift, […]
Healing Generational Trauma

Owning Our Story: A Personal Reflection One of my favourite quotes is from Dr. Brené Brown: “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy–the experiences that […]
Want Better Communication?

Then Don’t Focus on Communication For over 26 years, every couple I’ve worked with started the first session with the same request… “We want to know how to communicate better to stop fighting and get along.” And for 26 years, I’ve been discouraging couples from solely focusing on their communication skills to end their cycle […]