A Lesson in Becoming Truly Great
There’s a profound difference between being successful and being impactful. This distinction became crystal clear to me through an experience with one of my former counseling psychology students—a lesson that continues to shape how I understand personal growth and professional development.
The Lawyer Who Wanted to Heal
As a professor in a Master’s level counseling psychology program, I occasionally encounter students who require additional support.
One such student was a highly successful lawyer who had left his prestigious career to pursue counseling. His motivation was admirable—he wanted to help marginalized men in the LGBTQ+ community, a group he identified with personally.
When midterm evaluations came around, I had to place him on academic remediation—meaning if he didn’t improve his performance, he would fail the course.
For perhaps the first time in his adult life, he wasn’t excelling. He wasn’t even passing. Naturally, he requested a meeting to challenge his grade.
He arrived at my office armed for battle.
The large binder he carried was meticulously organized—color-coded tabs, highlighted passages, and sticky notes jutting out from the edges.
His face displayed a determined resolve I recognized from my years of teaching: this was a man prepared to argue his case and win, just as he had done countless times in court.
As he began to open his carefully prepared binder, I gently interrupted.
“It looks like you came prepared,” I said. “Before we start, may I ask you just one question?”
Looking slightly thrown off his carefully planned strategy, he nodded.
“Why did you want to become a therapist?”
His expression softened almost imperceptibly. He explained that as a gay man, he had witnessed the struggles of marginalized men in the LGBTQ+ community.
He wanted to be an advocate, a healer for those whose experiences mirrored aspects of his own journey.
The passion in his voice was palpable as he shared how he’d walked away from financial security and professional status to follow this calling.
I listened, nodding, seeing the genuine heart beneath the defensive stance.
“I can see you have a real passion for this community,” I affirmed. “And that’s why I’m going to offer you a choice.”
The Turning Point
“You can argue your case today, and I’ll let you win and pass the course, but you’ll become a terrible therapist for your people,” I told him.
“Or, you can allow me to remediate you and help you become the best therapist possible for the people you care so deeply about. You choose.”
The silence that followed felt weighty with possibility. Without a word, he closed his binder with finality.
“I want you to teach me,” he said simply.
That moment marked a profound shift.
This brilliant, accomplished professional set aside his ego and embraced the vulnerability of being a learner again.
He recognized that his previous success in one field didn’t automatically translate to effectiveness in another—especially one centered on human connection rather than intellectual argument.
Over the following weeks, he threw himself into the remediation process with the same intensity he’d once reserved for courtroom preparation.
But now, instead of building cases, he was building genuine therapeutic presence.
Instead of crafting arguments, he was learning to create space for others’ healing.
The Legacy of Humility
He passed the course with flying colors—not because he argued his way to a better grade, but because he genuinely developed the skills needed to serve effectively.
After graduation, he established a practice focusing precisely on the community he’d hoped to help. His clients flourished under his care, as he brought both his natural intelligence and his newly developed therapeutic skills to each session.
What made him truly exceptional wasn’t his previous accomplishments or even his natural talents—it was his willingness to be transformed.
To put down the armor of always being right and pick up the tools of genuine service.
This past summer, I received the devastating news of his sudden passing.
The shock of this loss was profound, but as I reflected on his journey, I found myself deeply moved by one realization: because of that pivotal choice to embrace humility, he had spent the final years of his life doing exactly what he was meant to do.
He had served his community with excellence, touched countless lives, and fulfilled the purpose that had called him away from his previous career.
Had he maintained his defensive stance that day in my office—had ego won over humility—he might never have discovered his true effectiveness as a therapist.
Instead, he chose humility and growth over being right, and that choice allowed him to leave a legacy of healing that far outlasts his too-brief time with us.
Your Invitation to Growth
I share this story not just to honor his memory, but because his journey exemplifies a truth we all need to embrace: true greatness comes through humility.
When we equate our performance with our worth—when we believe that not excelling at something means we are somehow diminished as people—we create barriers to our own growth.
My student could have clung to his identity as someone who always succeeded, who was always right. Instead, he chose to become someone who could truly serve.
This isn’t just a lesson for aspiring therapists. It’s for all of us who face feedback that challenges our self-perception.
Real feedback, when offered with truth and love by those who have our best interests at heart, isn’t an attack on our character—it’s an invitation to growth.
If you’re ready to apply these principles to your most important relationships, I invite you to join the waitlist for the Relationship Mastery Accelerator group coaching program.
Those on the waitlist will have first priority when registration opens.
Make the choice today to do the harder but better thing.
None of us knows how many days we have before us—my student certainly didn’t.
But because he chose growth over ego that pivotal day in my office, the time he did have was filled with profound impact and genuine service to those who needed him most.
Don’t wait to become the person your loved ones deserve. Choose humility over defensiveness, growth over comfort, and transformation over stagnation. Your legacy begins with the choices you make today.
In memory of a student who became a teacher of the most important lesson: that our greatest impact comes not from being right, but from having the humility to grow.
