Marriage

In almost three decades of counselling people, I’ve noticed something. Life has patterns. Predictable ones. Some are obvious. We leave home. We fall in love. We get the job. We get married. A baby comes and rearranges everything. The kids grow up, get loud, then quiet, then gone. Our parents get older, then get sick, […]

How can things go so wrong for so many marriages? Do you ever wonder about that? Because in the beginning, you think you’ve married your best friend. And you have. You get along. Life is good. Nothing hard has happened yet. Nobody is sick. Nothing has been lost. In truth, neither of you has any […]

When people sit across from me and finally say they are done with their marriage, I always ask why. You might expect the big things. An affair. Addiction. Abuse. A betrayal so deep it cracked something open. Sometimes it is. But most of the time, it isn’t. Most of the time, what I hear is […]

I love wildlife. It genuinely fascinates me. Consider how a colony of ants can carry ten to fifty times their own body weight. Or migrating birds forming a V-shape to optimize aerodynamics. Or the anglerfish, carrying its own lantern through the absolute darkness of the deep ocean. I come away in awe every time. Millions […]

Every morning, my husband, Clark, asks me the same question. “How did you sleep?” And I mostly give the same answer. “Not so good.” And I don’t always remember to ask him back. But he keeps asking anyway. This week, we celebrate 28 years of marriage (35 years together). And I’ve been thinking about what […]

I want to talk about something that rarely gets named. Not because it’s rare. But because it’s hiding inside perfectly respectable families, disguised as closeness and devotion and being a “good son.” I’m talking about what happens when a mother turns to her son to fill the emotional void left by an absent or checked-out […]

Here’s a dose of reality. The couple sitting across from me in my counseling office? They didn’t fall out of love overnight. They did it slowly, quietly, invisibly — one ignored moment, one swallowed feeling, one I’m fine at a time. Until one day, fine became the most devastating word in their vocabulary. By the […]

I’ve been thinking about some of the most common dynamics I see in couples. Here’s a big one: One partner does most of the work in the relationship (and family). And the other partner waits to be told what to do. And if their partner didn’t tell them what to do? Nothing would happen. No […]

This week, my eldest turns 24. I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. Sixteen hours of labour, with hours and hours of pushing until I couldn’t push anymore. Then the doctor just… suctioned him out. (Honestly? I’m still wondering why she didn’t do that 16 hours earlier.) But the moment the […]

Today is my birthday. And as I age, each year I tend to become more nostalgic, like the character in the Disney movie, Inside Out 2, Nostalgia. She’s that soft, still voice that helps you reminisce about your past and remember what truly matters. I remember the best moments of my life. They aren’t the […]

Every December, I do the same thing. I sit down in a quiet place, pour myself a cup of tea, and ask: What were the highs and lows of this year? It’s a ritual I started years ago, and every single time, the pattern is the same. The highs? They’re never about the big achievements […]

Last time I wrote to you, I was sitting in a hospital cafeteria in Hong Kong, running on adrenaline and coffee. Today? I’m writing from 35,000 feet in the air. My son and I are flying home for the holidays! You know what I realized somewhere over the Pacific Ocean, watching my son finally sleep […]