Communication
One of the thinkers who has deeply shaped how we understand gender, relationships, and emotional life is Carol Gilligan. Her work challenges a really important assumption in our culture — the idea that masculinity and femininity are naturally opposite, separate worlds. Gilligan argues that this division — what she calls the binary — isn’t actually […]
When I first met my husband, Clark, I genuinely believed I had what it took to make a relationship work. I was self-aware enough to know I came from a difficult family. I’d read the books. I understood, intellectually at least, that healthy relationships required communication and compromise. How wrong I was. Because knowing about […]
Have you ever told yourself, “I’m never going to be like my parent”. But end up doing the same thing as them? This is one of the most common things I hear from my clients, just like “Sarah”. “I heard my mother’s voice come out of my mouth,” Sarah told me, her eyes welling up. […]
Every December, I do the same thing. I sit down in a quiet place, pour myself a cup of tea, and ask: What were the highs and lows of this year? It’s a ritual I started years ago, and every single time, the pattern is the same. The highs? They’re never about the big achievements […]
My client “Mark” lamented, “I love my family, but honestly? I’m kind of dreading Christmas with them.” Mark is successful at work. He’s a devoted husband and dad. But something changes when he spends time with his family of origin. He reverts to a child. “It’s not that anything terrible happens. It’s just… I become […]
I’ll never forget the moment I realized I’d spent my entire life lying. Not the kind of lies you tell to hurt people. The subtle ones. The “I’m fine” when I wasn’t. The “whatever you want” when I had my own opinion. The silent swallowing of hurt feelings, disappointment, and resentment—all wrapped in a smile. […]
I was a guest on a podcast today when the host asked a question that made me reflect on my life: “How do you navigate it when your partner, your parents, or in-laws have traditional values but you have a more modern view of relationships?” The question resonated because I’ve lived this exact tension my […]
In my 27 years of practice, there’s one dynamic I see more than almost any other—and it’s quietly suffocating even the strongest relationships. It starts innocently enough. One partner begins handling a few extra responsibilities. What begins as temporary support slowly becomes permanent management. Before they know it, one person is reminding their partner about […]
You know that feeling when you’re convinced you’re the only one who struggles the way you do? The shame that whispers your childhood wounds are too messy, your relationship patterns too broken, your emotional reactions too intense. That if people really knew your story, they’d see you as damaged goods. Here’s what I’ve discovered after […]
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I’m here to tell you an uncomfortable truth: your relationship problems aren’t actually about your relationship—they’re mental health issues in disguise. While we’ve gotten better at talking about anxiety and depression, we’re still missing how deeply our mental health and relationship health are intertwined, each one silently shaping […]
I never knew what a healthy marriage looked like. I remember as a child, trying to pretend I didn’t hear the sounds of my parents fighting by staying in my bedroom. Or act like I wasn’t scared when I heard them yelling. What I never heard? Laughter. Warmth. The soft murmur of affection. When they […]
What’s the most common dynamic in couples? The pursuit-withdrawal dance. Here’s an example of what it looks like. Nicole stared at the closed bedroom door as Jordan’s words hung in the air: “I just need to be alone right now.” She had simply mentioned planning their vacation together, and somehow it had sparked their familiar […]
