Communication

Watching someone we love hurt is hard. Harder than we usually admit. When someone we love is in pain, we don’t just see it. We feel it. There’s this uncomfortable feeling that says do something, make it stop. Some of that is love. We hate seeing them suffer. And some of it, if we’re honest, […]

Here’s a question almost every therapist asks. “How do you feel?” There’s a reason we lead with it. Not because we’re stuck for something else to say, but because of this. Most of us, myself included, did not grow up in families where emotions were acknowledged, never mind explored. And if we did show them, […]

One thing I help people with, almost every single week, is ruptures. Here’s the universal truth about all relationships. The closer you get to someone, the more they can hurt you. Not because they’re bad. Because they’re human. A tear in the bond isn’t proof something’s wrong. It’s proof you got close enough to matter […]

You might have heard this before, but most of what we communicate is non-verbal—our body language, facial expressions, tone of voice. Some research suggests as much as 70% of what we communicate to each other lands through these channels, not through the words at all. This is why, in any close relationship, it can feel […]

Three siblings sat across from me on the couch. Their mother had passed six months earlier. Before she died, she gave them one job — take care of Dad. They were trying. They really were. But every visit ended in tears. Their father wouldn’t ask for anything. Not directly. Instead, the conversations sounded like this: […]

One of the thinkers who has deeply shaped how we understand gender, relationships, and emotional life is Carol Gilligan. Her work challenges a really important assumption in our culture — the idea that masculinity and femininity are naturally opposite, separate worlds. Gilligan argues that this division — what she calls the binary — isn’t actually […]

When I first met my husband, Clark, I genuinely believed I had what it took to make a relationship work. I was self-aware enough to know I came from a difficult family. I’d read the books. I understood, intellectually at least, that healthy relationships required communication and compromise. How wrong I was. Because knowing about […]

Have you ever told yourself, “I’m never going to be like my parent”. But end up doing the same thing as them? This is one of the most common things I hear from my clients, just like “Sarah”. “I heard my mother’s voice come out of my mouth,” Sarah told me, her eyes welling up. […]

Every December, I do the same thing. I sit down in a quiet place, pour myself a cup of tea, and ask: What were the highs and lows of this year? It’s a ritual I started years ago, and every single time, the pattern is the same. The highs? They’re never about the big achievements […]

My client “Mark” lamented, “I love my family, but honestly? I’m kind of dreading Christmas with them.” Mark is successful at work. He’s a devoted husband and dad. But something changes when he spends time with his family of origin. He reverts to a child. “It’s not that anything terrible happens. It’s just… I become […]

I’ll never forget the moment I realized I’d spent my entire life lying. Not the kind of lies you tell to hurt people. The subtle ones. The “I’m fine” when I wasn’t. The “whatever you want” when I had my own opinion. The silent swallowing of hurt feelings, disappointment, and resentment—all wrapped in a smile. […]

I was a guest on a podcast today when the host asked a question that made me reflect on my life: “How do you navigate it when your partner, your parents, or in-laws have traditional values but you have a more modern view of relationships?” The question resonated because I’ve lived this exact tension my […]