Trauma
Here’s something I often hear from my clients. Some version of this: “I love my mom. She’s a wonderful woman. Everyone says so. But every time I leave her house, I feel smaller. Heavier. I don’t know why. Am I being ungrateful? Am I just too sensitive?” They think they’re the problem. They’re not. They […]
In my practice, I often work with two or three generations in the same room. For example, grandparents, their children, and their grandchildren. And it’s fascinating what I always see in these sessions. The same patterns. In three different generations. For instance, an angry parent in every generation — someone who raged at their children […]
I was reminded of an incident during childhood this week. I was twelve years old, sitting at the kitchen table. My mom was upset about something I did, and she started yelling at me. “Why did you do that? What’s wrong with you? Why are you so stupid!” I don’t even remember what I’d done. […]
You’re lying in bed next to someone who feels like a stranger. You wonder: Would I be happier with someone else? Here’s what I’m about to tell you after 27 years: Starting over is usually the biggest mistake you could make. Unless there’s abuse involved, walking away is rarely the solution you think it is. […]
Have you ever looked across the dinner table at your spouse and felt like you were sitting with a stranger? Not an enemy—that would almost be easier—but someone so distant they might as well be invisible? Last week, a woman sat in my office describing her marriage with devastating clarity: “We’re like two zombies living […]
“But that’s just how immigrant families are.” I hear this sentence a lot in my practice. And honestly? It angers me when I hear this. As the daughter of Chinese immigrants myself, I understand. I grew up thinking emotional distance was “cultural.” That parents working seven days a week and never talking about feelings was […]
Often, I hear my clients share with me how “close” they were with their parent(s) growing up. At first glance, this sounds amazing. But when I probe further, I start to doubt this “closeness.” Let’s use “Maria” as an example. She beamed as she told me about her special bond with her mother. “We told […]
My client “Maria” is a 48-year-old CEO managing 450 people. She’s built a million-dollar business from scratch. But when she visits her parents, she becomes that powerless eight-year-old girl again. Because your childhood home isn’t just a place. It’s a time machine that activates old survival patterns before you even realize what’s happening. When you […]
Today is Father’s Day, and I have mixed feelings about this day. While social media fills with heartwarming posts about amazing dads, I find that I can’t identify with them. Because my relationship with my father was nothing like those picture-perfect posts. I never realized how much my relationship with my father shaped everything else […]
March 8th marks International Women’s Day, which always coincides with my mother’s birthday. This year, the celebration holds deeper meaning than ever before. The most significant woman in my life, for better or worse, has been my mother—shaping who I am in ways I’m still discovering. My mom has been my only consistent parent throughout […]
The Hidden Gift in LA’s Devastating Fires This week, Los Angeles residents watched helplessly as wildfires devoured homes, businesses, and decades of memories. The devastation is hard to comprehend—entire neighborhoods reduced to ash, families displaced, and lives forever altered in mere hours. The numbers tell one story, but behind each statistic is a human being […]
This week, Los Angeles residents watched helplessly as wildfires devoured homes, businesses, and decades of memories. The devastation is hard to comprehend—entire neighborhoods reduced to ash, families displaced, and lives forever altered in mere hours. Yet amidst the smoke and devastation, something remarkable emerges: the indomitable spirit of human kindness. We’re witnessing neighbors opening their […]
