Attachment Styles
Why are daughters-in-law always painted as the villain when it comes to family drama? After over 32,000 hours working with clients, I can tell you this is the most common in-law issue I see in my office. And while it’s not always the case, the pattern is so predictable it’s almost painful to watch. Here’s […]
“But that’s just how immigrant families are.” I hear this sentence a lot in my practice. And honestly? It angers me when I hear this. As the daughter of Chinese immigrants myself, I understand. I grew up thinking emotional distance was “cultural.” That parents working seven days a week and never talking about feelings was […]
Often, I hear my clients share with me how “close” they were with their parent(s) growing up. At first glance, this sounds amazing. But when I probe further, I start to doubt this “closeness.” Let’s use “Maria” as an example. She beamed as she told me about her special bond with her mother. “We told […]
I never knew what a healthy marriage looked like. I remember as a child, trying to pretend I didn’t hear the sounds of my parents fighting by staying in my bedroom. Or act like I wasn’t scared when I heard them yelling. What I never heard? Laughter. Warmth. The soft murmur of affection. When they […]
Understanding and Healing Attachment Impact A few months ago, I embarked on my first solo trip with my mother. Despite our improved relationship as adults, I felt a flutter of anxiety in my chest. My mother, while loving, can be negative and critical – traits that coloured my childhood. Although the trip went well overall, […]
Last week, I spoke about the challenge of excessive independence. Today, I want to explore another way many of us struggle in relationships: dependency. The first type of dependency often stems from our childhood experiences. Perhaps we had parents who, with the best intentions, did everything for us – making decisions, solving problems, protecting us […]
Then Don’t Focus on Communication For over 26 years, every couple I’ve worked with started the first session with the same request… “We want to know how to communicate better to stop fighting and get along.” And for 26 years, I’ve been discouraging couples from solely focusing on their communication skills to end their cycle […]
Transforming Past Hurts Into Secure Connections Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons, sometimes through the most unexpected – and occasionally unpleasant – experiences. Here’s mine… Believe it or not, I’ve had the dubious honour of being pooped on my head by a bird twice in my lifetime. Once this week, and once […]
Attachment & Letting Go This week my husband and I said goodbye to our daughter. Our baby girl moved across the country for college. We’ve been dreading this day. As we stood in my daughter’s dorm room, surrounded by half-unpacked boxes and the nervous energy of new beginnings, we felt a tidal wave of emotions […]
And how to avoid it Most of us believe that the person we marry will be the “right one”. This is why we chose them. They make us happy, and we want this happy feeling to become permanent, so we marry them. Unfortunately, that’s not how it usually goes. Most of us will actually end […]
And How You Might Be One of Them People in unhappy and unhealthy relationships get sick much more often than those in happy and healthy relationships. This is because animosity, arguments, and discord create stress. And when we are stressed, our brain produces cortisol, the stress hormone. We all need a bit of cortisol for […]
5 Little Known Facts about Attachment Attachment is the buzz these days. Everyone seems to be an expert on the subject, teaching people about attachment styles and giving advice on how to develop healthier attachment. Some of the information is sound, but often, it is mixed with pop psychology trends, hearsay, and misinformation. Such misunderstandings […]
