Are You Losing Yourself in Relationships?

Last week, I spoke about the challenge of excessive independence. Today, I want to explore another way many of us struggle in relationships: dependency.

The first type of dependency often stems from our childhood experiences. Perhaps we had parents who, with the best intentions, did everything for us – making decisions, solving problems, protecting us from failure.

Or maybe they were controlling, leaving us little room to develop our own sense of capability. While this might have felt like love, it actually prevented us from developing crucial confidence and self-trust.

Now, as adults, we often feel helpless without others, relying on them for things we could potentially do ourselves, plagued by fear and self-doubt.

The second type of dependency is more subtle, but equally rooted in our early years. Often, it stems from having faced criticism or disapproval in childhood.

When parents were hard to please or judgmental, we learned to become hypervigilant about others’ reactions.

This manifests in adulthood as an endless drive to please others, a fear of expressing our true thoughts and feelings, or a habit of making ourselves responsible for others’ emotions.

Think about it – how often do you silence your true opinions to keep the peace? How frequently do you put others’ needs before your own, not out of genuine choice, but from a deep-seated fear of disapproval?

Do you find yourself constantly monitoring others’ moods, feeling responsible for their happiness?

This is codependency – where our sense of self becomes so entangled with others that we lose sight of where we end and they begin.

We become emotional chameleons, shape-shifting to meet others’ expectations while our own identity fades into the background.

But there’s another way – a healthier path called interdependence. This is where the magic happens.

Interdependence means maintaining a clear sense of self while staying deeply connected to others. It’s knowing you can stand on your own AND choose to dance with others.

It’s having the courage to speak your truth AND the wisdom to listen deeply to others. It’s being able to care without carrying, support without saving, love without losing yourself.

In an interdependent relationship, both partners feel safe to be themselves. They can express their needs without fear. They can disagree without dissolving. They can love without losing their identity. They understand that true connection doesn’t require sacrifice – it requires presence, authenticity, and mutual respect.

You weren’t meant to disappear into your relationships. You weren’t meant to silence your voice or dim your light to make others comfortable. You were meant to shine in your full authenticity while allowing others to do the same.

I hope you do just that.