And how it will destroy your life
All of us have complained before. It’s human nature to do so from time to time when we feel wronged. But for some of us, complaining has become an addiction.
How do you know if you’re addicted to complaining? One clue is that your first automatic reaction is to complain. That is, you have a constant view of others and the world as negative. There’s always something bad to focus on. You rarely think of the good first.
So why do we become addicted to complaining? Here are some reasons.
Complaining feels good.
- You can be a “victim” and not take responsibility for your problems. It’s easier to blame others than to take a hard look at how you may be contributing to your problem and to own your part in creating the dissatisfaction you feel.
- You get attention and sympathy when listeners “pity” your situation. This reinforces a sense of self-righteousness and entitlement that you deserve better.
- Telling the story as the victim has become a habit. You’re simply used to it, and it doesn’t occur to you that there’s a different story you can tell.
Unfortunately, complaining has its consequences. Here are some:
- People expect you to be a “negative Nelly” because you show up as a bitter and negative person in relationships…and this is what you are contributing to the world.
- People who complain typically have more physical health issues. Negativity causes stress. Stress increases the stress hormone, cortisol in your body. Too much cortisol causes inflammation to your immune system, therefore, causing physical ailments of all sorts. Hence, you are literally killing yourself.
- Complaining alienates you. When you play the victim role, you prevent yourself from creating positive and healthy relationships. Complaining alienates you from others. People who absorb your complaints can only handle so much, especially those closest to you.
- Complaining kills relationships. Complaining is one of the top reasons why intimate relationships fail over time. Your partner just can’t hear it anymore. It makes them feel terrible about themselves, and never good enough by your standards. Who wants to stay with someone who constantly rejects them?
So, if you care about your relationships and your overall wellbeing, pay attention to the stories you are telling yourself. Are you the victim? Or are you the hero who takes charge of your own life and creates the life you love?
