How Patriarchy Sabotages Relationships

And How to Break Free From Its Bondage

The Ripple Effect of Patriarchy on Relationships

Internalized patriarchal norms don’t just harm individual men; they create relationship dynamics that can leave both partners feeling unfulfilled. Here are some ways:

1. Poor Communication Skills: Communication breakdowns occur when men struggle to articulate their needs or fears. Often, feelings get pent up and when communicated, they erupt as rage.
2. Domestic violence: Patriarchy teaches men that they are above women and children. In many patriarchal cultures, men believe they have a right to be violent against their partner and children, to “put them in their place”. Women also buy into patriarchy by adopting submission and obedience, denying their and their children’s human rights of safety, dignity, and respect.
3. Lack of True Intimacy: Patriarchy grooms men to equate sex with intimacy. Often, the only way men know how to feel close to their partner is through sex. So, when sex is denied, men become frustrated and feel unloved, and sometimes even sexually violent. True intimacy suffers as men are not taught how to connect in deeper, more meaningful ways emotionally and mentally.
4. Privilege and Unawareness: With patriarchy, men assume the role of being served and taken care of by women. Over time, female partners’ resentment builds as traditional gender roles lead to imbalanced divisions of household labour, childrearing, carrying the mental load and emotional work for women.
5. Impact on Mental and Physical Health: Mental and physical health issues are on the rise for women in patriarchal relationships. This in turn impacts the well-being of the entire family unit since the female is often the main caregiver in the family. Because of internalized stress and oppression women face daily, they are more prone to developing autoimmune conditions (80% of all diagnoses), brain diseases, cancer, and mental illnesses than men.

Dismantling Patriarchy, One Relationship at a Time

Now that we know how patriarchy destroys both men and their relationships, what can we do about it? How do we begin to unravel these deeply ingrained patterns? Here are some practical steps for men and couples:

1. Foster Open Dialogue: Create a safe space where both partners can share their struggles with gender expectations without judgment. Listen actively and validate each other’s experiences.
2. Redefine Strength: Encourage expressions of vulnerability. Remind each other that true strength lies in facing emotions head-on, not in suppressing them.
3. Share the Load: Regularly reassess the distribution of responsibilities—both financial and domestic. Ensure that these decisions are based on individual strengths and preferences rather than outdated gender norms.
4. Expand Your Circle: Cultivate friendships and community ties together. Encourage each other to build support networks beyond the relationship.
5. Embrace Diverse Expressions: Celebrate the multifaceted nature of your partner’s identity. Whether it’s a man who loves ballet or one who enjoys knitting, affirm that these interests enrich rather than diminish their masculinity.
6. Seek Growth Opportunities: Consider couples therapy or workshops focused on emotional intelligence and healthy communication. Investing in your relationship skills is a sign of commitment, not weakness.

As you reflect on this discussion, I invite you to take a moment and think about the men in your life—your partner, father, brother, son, or friend.

How might patriarchal expectations be limiting their relational potential? And more importantly, what’s one small step you can take today to challenge these norms?

Perhaps it’s as simple as telling your male partner it’s okay to cry, actively listening to his fears without trying to fix them, or encouraging him to pursue a passion that doesn’t fit the traditional “masculine” mold.

Maybe it’s examining your own internalized beliefs about gender roles and committing to flexibility and fairness in your relationships.

Remember, dismantling patriarchy isn’t just about women’s liberation and feminism—it’s about freeing everyone to experience richer, more authentic connections.

By working together to create relationships built on relationality, equality, emotional honesty, and mutual support, we’re not only improving our own lives but setting a powerful example for future generations.