Great people can be terrible partners

And you may be one of them​.

Can great people be terrible partners? Absolutely. And you may be one of them but not even know it.

You can be great at your work and be a wonderful employee or leader. You can have a stellar education and be highly skilled in many areas of life. You can even be an incredible son or daughter and friend to many, but being awesome in all these areas does not equate to being a great partner.

In fact, it’s because you think you are virtuous in all these other areas that you often come to the (erroneous) conclusion that if there are problems in your relationship, therefore, it must be your partner who is causing them.

So, when your partners tell you they are upset or unhappy, you may dismiss them, defend yourself, or even blame them for the problem. After all, everyone else thinks you’re fantastic.

When this type of invalidation continues long-term, the dissatisfied partner is usually the one who calls it quits.

It’s typically at this point that the “great” partner reaches out for professional help. They have no idea how bad things are. They just think that all relationships have problems, so this was our fair share of them.

But it’s not. It’s toxic. It’s these daily micro moments, like a slow drip in a leaky faucet that eventually kills a relationship.

Most of us don’t take things seriously unless it’s an immediate threat. But when we keep going in the same direction, year after year, the erosion destroys what started out as beautiful.

When couples end up in my office, it’s usually about 8 to 10 years after the problems have started, some even longer. By that time, a lot of damage has been done.

So, my suggestion to you is this, learn to be a great partner. Just because you are a rockstar at everything else in life, it doesn’t mean you’re also a great partner. Relationships require a different skill set.

One that doesn’t put you in the centre, one that bids you to be thoughtful and understanding of the other, one that demands you to consider the relationship before your own agenda.

If you master these skills, then one day, you will not only be a great person, but also a great partner.