Do Healthy Relationships Have Problems?

Sure, but here’s what keeps them healthy.

Many people believe that healthy relationships don’t have problems. The truth is, all relationships have problems because we are all imperfect humans.

Moreover, all relationships go through periods of harmony and disharmony. But the difference between happy and healthy couples is this. They know the secret of going from disharmony back to harmony. And here it is…

They double down on their skills to repair their relationship, so their challenges don’t escalate into arguments. Here are three skills happy couples consistently work on.

1. Self-regulation

In order to stay calm and not allow their emotions to hijack the situation, couples learn to take a time out when things get too heated so they can self-soothe and calm down before returning to the conversation. But they make sure they come back every time.

2. Listen with curiosity

Successful couples stay curious when listening to their partner’s side of the story. They put aside any preconceived notions about their partner or negative interpretations about the situation, so they can listen to their partner wholeheartedly.

3. Speak the truth in love

Happy couples are mindful of how they speak and what they say to each other. That is, they own their story by using “I” statements (e.g., I feel…) instead of “you” statements (e.g., you made me feel…). And they attack the behavior (e.g., I don’t like what you did) rather than the person (e.g., you’re such a…). In other words, they speak the truth with kindness, remembering that this is someone who they love.  

To increase your confidence in managing challenges and differences in your relationship, practice these skills. And one day, you will naturally become one of these successful couples.