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This week marks my 25th wedding anniversary (32 years together with my husband). It means that I’ve spent more years of my life with my husband than without. Weird. And the years have whizzed by.
It’s a miracle we made it to 25 years, and I don’t take it for granted. The odds were against me. I’ve made it further than anyone in my family of origin who got married. And strangely enough, I still like my husband, LOL.
In honour of the occasion, I’ve compiled the top 25 lessons I’ve learned from the first 25 years of marriage. Enjoy!
25. Whatever you focus on is what you will see. Choose to see the good in your partner and your relationship.
24. Ask for what you need instead of complaining and criticizing about what you don’t have.
23. You will repeat what you vowed not to repeat from your parents. Oh well.
22. You will also NOT repeat what you vowed not to repeat from your parents…if you work on it.
21. It doesn’t matter how your story started; you get to choose your own ending.
20. Your marriage doesn’t have to be doomed if your parents modelled an unhealthy marriage.
19. When you change and grow, your relationship will automatically do the same.
18. Listen deeply and your disagreements won’t turn into arguments.
17. There is no perfect marriage. You will screw up, even if you try not to.
16. When you screw up, learn the lesson, forgive yourself, let go of grudges, and move on.
15. You can’t change your partner, but you can inspire change in them.
14. It is possible to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma and start a new healthier cycle.
13. Your marriage is only as healthy as you are.
12. There are days when you won’t want to do the work…do it anyway. It’ll be worth it in the end.
11. Treat insiders better than outsiders.
10. Remember your partner is a gift…so cherish them like one.
9. LIKING your partner may be more important than LOVING them.
8. It’s less about being right than trying to get it right.
7. Your partner is one of the greatest teachers in your life…if you allow yourself to learn from them. You will learn a lot. You will learn what you NEED to learn, and not necessarily what you WANT to learn.
6. The answer to who’s right or wrong is, who cares.
5. There’s no one else I’d rather put up with. There’s no one else that would put up with me.
4. Having kids doesn’t end your marriage. But focusing mainly on them will.
3. Couples who play together, stay together.
2. When fighting, remember you are on the same team. If one loses, both lose.
1. Always speak the truth in love.
Here’s to the next 25 years!
P.S. Share with me what you’ve learned. I’d love to hear from you.
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© Dr. Gloria Lee 2024