And transform your bonds
There’s a saying in couples therapy that “we marry our unfinished business.”
It is absolutely true. In my 26 years of working with couples, I have seen this repeatedly, without exception.
What do I mean by this?
I see couples who repeat relationship patterns, communication challenges, and conflict styles.
The interesting thing is, this is often due to epigenetics.
What is Epigenetics?
Epigenetics, in essence, is the study of how our behaviors and environment can influence the way our genes work.
Think of your DNA as a vast library of books. Epigenetics acts as the librarian, determining which books (or genes) are easily accessible and which are tucked away.
What’s truly remarkable is that this “librarian” is influenced not just by your experiences, particularly those from childhood, but potentially by the experiences of your parents and grandparents as well.
This means that the communication patterns and relationship dynamics you experience today may have roots in your family’s history.
How Epigenetics Shape Our Adult Relationship Patterns
You might wonder, “How exactly does my childhood continue to influence my adult relationships at a biological level?” Here are some ways:
- Stress Response: Childhood experiences can epigenetically alter genes involved in stress management. This might make you more reactive to stress in adult relationships, causing conflicts to feel more threatening than they actually are.
- Bonding and Trust: There’s a hormone in our body called oxytocin, often referred to as the “bonding hormone.” Epigenetic changes can affect how this hormone works, potentially impacting your ability to form deep, trusting connections in adult relationships.
- Emotional Regulation: Early life experiences can influence genes involved in mood regulation. This can affect how you handle emotions in your relationships, potentially making it harder to stay calm during disagreements.
- Processing Past Experiences: Epigenetic changes can affect how we form and process memories, especially those related to fear. This can make it challenging to overcome past relationship hurts, affecting trust and intimacy in current relationships.
- Intergenerational Patterns: Intriguingly, some epigenetic changes can be passed down to future generations. This means that your relationship patterns might not just stem from your own experiences, but potentially from those of your parents or grandparents.
Understanding these epigenetic influences doesn’t mean you’re destined to repeat negative patterns. Instead, it sheds light on why some relationship habits are so deeply ingrained and difficult to change.
The good news is that epigenetic changes can often be altered. Our brains are “plastic” and malleable throughout our lives.
So while we can’t change our DNA sequence, we can influence how our genes are expressed. This means you have the power to reshape your relationship patterns. Here’s how:
- Self-Awareness: Cultivate mindfulness about your reactions and patterns in relationships. When you feel triggered, pause to reflect on the origins of these feelings.
- Stress Management: Implement stress reduction techniques. Practices like meditation and deep breathing can create positive epigenetic changes.
- Supportive Relationships: Foster connections with emotionally supportive individuals. Positive social interactions can enhance stress resilience and emotional well-being at a cellular level.
- Professional Guidance: Consider engaging in trauma-informed therapy. These specialized approaches can help rewire neural pathways and potentially influence epigenetic expression.
- Holistic Self-Care: Prioritize nutrition, exercise, and sleep. These lifestyle factors play a crucial role in epigenetic regulation.
Your Invitation to Transformation
Understanding and actively working to change your epigenetic expression isn’t just about personal healing – it’s about transforming the trajectory for generations to come.
By addressing these deep-rooted patterns, you’re not only improving your own relationships but potentially setting a new standard for your family line.
Remember, within your cells lies not just a history of experiences, but an immense capacity for healing and growth. It’s time to unlock that potential and create a legacy of resilience, connection, and joy.
