How to Defeat Intergenerational Trauma

Have you ever felt like there’s something standing in the way of true intimacy with your partner? Something that you just can’t seem to shake, no matter how hard you try? It’s possible that intergenerational trauma is to blame.

As a therapist and relationship expert, I’ve seen firsthand how past experiences can negatively impact our present relationships. I’ve also lived through it myself.

Growing up, my family was rocked by conflict and abuse. My parents’ marital struggles and authoritarian parenting style left deep scars on me, ones that I carried into adulthood and ultimately into my marriage.

I found myself repeating the same unhealthy communication patterns that I swore I would never repeat; focusing on the negative, being critical, being non-apologetic, being harsh with my words, giving silent treatments and guilt trips, and the list goes on.

I also never knew how to ask for what I needed and sometimes didn’t even know what my needs were because my needs were not acknowledged or addressed as a kid.

It wasn’t until I began my own healing journey that I realized just how much my past was impacting my present. Through this journey, I was able to identify and work through my trauma, giving me the tools I needed to overcome the challenges in my relationship.

But it wasn’t easy. It took time, effort, and a willingness to confront some painful truths about myself and my family. I fumbled through this process by myself, without any support from my family.

I learned everything I could about intergenerational trauma, attachment theory, and relationships, then applied these principles and practices to myself. And the payoff was worth it – a deeper, more fulfilling connection with my husband, and the knowledge that I had the power to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma in my own family. 

Here’s what I learned…

1. Intergenerational trauma is commonly unaddressed in relationships.

In my Chinese cultural background, it is an accepted norm to be strict, stern, and even abusive towards children, in order to teach them discipline and to be “good”.

2. Intergenerational trauma that is unaddressed will show up in your adulthood relationships, guaranteed.

Although you may have physically left your family of origin, the unaddressed wounds are still festering and wreaks havoc in your intimate relationships now. Most couples don’t realize this trauma undergirds many of their conflicts.

3. Intergenerational trauma projects into your parenting, thus harming the next generation.

There’s a reason that it’s called, “intergenerational” trauma. It spreads from one generation to the next, like wildfire. Unbeknownst to the person spreading it, they mindlessly repeat the same harmful behaviors to their children, forgetting how they felt as a child as the recipient of such behaviors.

If you’re struggling with similar challenges in your own relationship, I want you to know that there’s hope.

My upcoming online course, The Connected Couple, is designed to help you understand how your childhood attachment and trauma may be impacting your current-day relationship with your partner, and give you the skills you need to overcome these challenges.

Through a series of guided exercises, videos, and worksheets, you’ll learn how to identify and work through the patterns that are holding you back, and how to build a stronger, more resilient relationship with your partner.

But here’s the thing – time is of the essence. The longer you wait to address these issues, the more damage they can do to your relationship. Don’t let intergenerational trauma cast a dark cloud over your love – take action today and invest in your future happiness.

Be the first to know when the doors open for The Connected Couple program, and take the first step towards a brighter, more connected future with the one you love.